Broken.

I make mistakes. Every day. I don’t make excuses, I don’t place blame. I own them, every goddamned one of them.

I am not perfect, I am fragile, I am insecure, I am by far my own worst critic. Nothing you can say to me, could ever be as damaging as the words I echo to myself.

I want to be better. I want to be enough. I rarely am.

But, I wake each day, with the intention of learning more about who I am. With the intention of being better than I was the day before.

Some days, I succeed. Others, I fall flat on my face, and sometimes I hurt others as collateral damage.It breaks me up inside to know that I have caused pain to others, as I always want to live in love and acceptance.

I love hard, I fall hard, I bleed just as anyone else. I dive in head first, but sometimes the bottom comes up far faster than I can see it. I have hit bottom many times. Too many to count.

Therefore. …. I hurt.  I hurt with a pain so intense, sometimes it scares me. It shatters me. It renders me broken. And broken hurts. A lot.

I have scars most will never know of,  I hide them deeply because, far too often they are used as weapons by others. Trust is not something I do easily. If I trust you, it is because you have earned it. Because I trust you enough to let you in to the sacred space of my heart.

If I share myself with you, it is because I trust who you are, I trust who you have become upon your journey. It is rare. But it is beautiful in its rawness and terrifying in its ability to destroy me.

I often hide, I rarely seek. For I long for someone to look when I am missing. I hide in plainsight. However, I suppose it was never your job to begin with, was it ?  I guess it’s up to me to find myself.  To rely upon….

 

ME

I don’t want to be broken anymore. I want to pick up the pieces and finally rearrange them into someone I can be proud of. Someone who allows people to stay. Someone, who is no longer…broken.

Life is crazy. It breaks me down, piece by piece, cell by cell, moment to moment.

If I reach out it is because you have the ability to fix a piece of me that no one else has been able to. You have the power to change me. To propel me forward, to help me stay the course. To be….to love….to heal.

To heal.

Thank you, to those who walk with me upon my journey. I know I have hurt you, simply in my journey to becoming whole, I may have neglected to see that you may be broken too.

There is safety in numbers. Hold my hand. Walk with me.  Forgive me. Please.

I am aware I often make it difficult to love me. But also, please know, if you break through, I will love you through anything. …anything at all.

I  am human.  I make mistakes. But I carry on. Because I must.  As I walk, always know……

I carry you in my heart ♡

 

Forgive.  Live.  Love. BE.