I remember ……

As I sit here, trying to put my feelings into words. I struggle. Not because I can’t label my feelings, but because there are so many and even 14 years later, they are still completely overwhelming. They still shake my to my very core.

Where were you that day, that moment, that inexplicable second when hate changed our lives forever ?  I remember, where I was, how I felt, how the breath was taken from my lungs. And to be honest, it felt like I didn’t take another for a very long time. I was scared, I was confused, I felt everything and nothing all at the very same time.

You see, I still cannot understand that level of hatred. I cannot bend my mind around a hate so black and twisted, that this was the outcome they relished, they celebrated, they planned so meticulously.

So many lives, intertwined, lost, taken in a split second of sheer terror.

The ripple of that day, continues on, September 11th, will NEVER be just another day.

My heart is still broken, and I hope to never know that level or darkness. That level of hate. I hope to NEVER see that level of terror EVER again. EVER.

I sat with the kids this morning, and I tried to explain. I tried to explain why I was crying, why I was shaking with sadness some 14 years later. I could only come up with 3 words. I STILL REMEMBER.

I lost my safety that day, as did we all. I lost my trust and my frivolity, and my small mindedness that day. I lost my innocence that day, too. Because you see, that level of destruction was something I had never seen before, and I hope I will never see again. And I hope, my children will never, in their lifetimes, KNOW how that feels.

But enough about loss……14 years out, it is time to talk about what was gained that day, as it is equally important. Perhaps, even more so.

Do you remember, in the weeks that followed, how our world changed ? I do. We, as a race, came together in solidarity.

In kindness, in strength, in the theory of safety in numbers. We came together to rally, to support, to grieve, to rebuild. We came together to search, and to rescue. We came together in sorrow, and in sadness. But most of, we, as humans, came together in love.

And you see, love, my friends, will always win. It will always triumph in the face of hatred. I hated those that carried out those horrific events, I hated them with as much anger as I could. I carried that hate like a knife through my heart, and eventually…that hate became too heavy a cross to bear.

Do you know what I decided to do ? I decided to LIVE. Every single second, every single moment, every single day. I decided to live in love.

Perhaps the greatest lessons I learned that day, was that I, we, needed to learn to  love without limits, to say what matters, and to never let hate win. That fateful day,  taught me, just how valuable an ordinary day can be.

So I ask this of you, my dear friends. I ask you to go out into this day, and BE LOVE. Don’t ever late hatred win. Because if we do, we have let THEM win. And in honor of all those whose lives were lost, changed, altered forever, we simply cannot allow that to happen.

Say what you feel, love who you love, and forgive those who have wronged. We can forgive, but we can never, ever, FORGET.
Be kind. Be grateful. BE LOVE ❤