This week marked the first time I have been able to practice yoga in a little over two years. As many of you know my foot and ankle reconstruction came with some complications which delayed my healing by approximately 10 additional months.
As I settled in to my normal practice, a practice with which I was completely at ease, I quickly came to realize that I am NOT the same person, body or soul that I was in May of 2021.
My body felt tight and stiff and shaky and unsure of the postures I had been so familiar with.
Where did my balance go? Where did my endurance go? Where…did my focus go?
I could not allow myself to get out of my own way, as I stood there defeated and sadly, pretty damn depressed.
It was ‘just’ a foot and ankle. Why had my whole body decided to betray me?
I lowered myself to the floor, on the verge of tears, and planted myself firmly upon my sit bones with one hand on my belly, the other lying softly on my heart. I allowed the emotion to come, to briefly settle in, and I allowed myself a few moments to grieve all I had lost. 2 years is a long time to remain out of touch with your body as a whole, and a very long time to quiet the mind against everything that was holding me mentally hostage. I sat, I embraced, I mourned and moved on.
If I learned anything from my previous years of practice, I learned that the act of sitting and breathing is the practice of yoga in and of itself. Yoga is more than the body it is the union of the mind and body with breath..It is, at all turns, the act of letting go. Letting go and flowing through.
It is the lotus flower at the center of it’s symbolism, reminding me that without mud, there would be no lotus.
Perhaps now is my time to sit in the mud for just a short while longer, giving myself enough time to practice the art of letting go, of becoming, of growing into the body and mind I find myself in during this apparent time of transformation. As I move through the poses, I will allow myself imperfection, I will allow myself to be mediocre in my flow but brilliant in my rise up through the dense and dark surroundings of healing.
I will sit tall, anchored deeply, I will be both the lotus and the mud.
I am once again humbled by my practice, by my journey, by my inability to simply BE.
Stand tall
Shoulders back
Heart forward……
At peace in the art of letting go.
~-Katie 06/27/23
Three little birds and one messy nest 