Wander

Today…..Is the first day that I am truly feeling the genuine loss of all the pieces of my “normal” life. I miss the trails, and my backpack, and the way that I am found each time I wander to get lost. I miss the sun on my face in the morning and the sun on my back in the evenings. I miss camping in the depths of the forest and the smell of coffee brewing on the campfire before sunrise. The beauty of the morning dew as it gently rests upon the leaves of trees and the blades of grass, waiting for the heat of day. I miss climbing mountains and waking valleys, and I miss that second level of tired that only the out of doors can provide. I miss my canoe, the silence of the water as the eagle rests above me in the dead tree at the rivers bend. I miss who I am when I am free. I miss who I am when I am…… me. I know this is temporary…..but I also know this loss is heavy and palpable and real. I will move through this sadness, this heaviness, and I will lay it down when I am ready….. until the time comes to lift my pack onto my back….. and move on.